He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
