I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Say something about gay babies.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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