I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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