Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
