Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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