Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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