My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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