some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
