it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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