when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
