I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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