our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
