Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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