Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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