how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
