why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
