Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
