he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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