I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
