This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
