Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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