fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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