A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
