she was so not down for the gang bang
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
