Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
