I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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