if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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