remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
