I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So squirting runs in the family.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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