was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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