Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently you make a good broom.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
