Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
