that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
