I'm so fucking centered right now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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