kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
