at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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