ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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