I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
