I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to make out with him forever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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