why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
