my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
