Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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