He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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