walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
