You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
