My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
