I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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