she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
