i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
