someone get that fucking seahorse.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
